Bring on the Spring Fling

It's almost time! It's almost here! Aren't you excited???? We are!!! We can't wait to see and meet everyone this Saturday.

Remember to RSVP to Kim with the number of happy faces we will see from your family.

families.supporting.adoption@gmail.com

Here is a map to the venue. You can click on the "pin" and then click on "get directions" to lay down a digital bread crumb trail right from your house! (note that the address on the flier is slightly off, it's 19909 SE Wax Rd.)


View Larger Map

Come Out to Our Spring Fling Game Day this Saturday!

We hope to see you there!

Foster Adoption in WA

Lincoln and I have been inspired by the Upton-Rowleys and their beautiful family that was partially created through adopting through the foster care system. (You guys didn't know we've been watching you, did you? You know, we are in your stake!)

I have been doing research on adopting through the Washington foster care system and thought I would share what I have learned here.

DSHS- Childrens' Administration has an organization within it called the Division of Children and Family Services (DCFS). They have 44 offices throughout the state.



They have an informative and resourceful website about adoption.
http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/adopt/index.asp

They start by offering a list of questions to ask yourself in order to better understand what kind of adoption through the foster system is right for you.

Then they outline the legal differences between a foster parent and an adoptive parent.

Foster Parents:

• Provide daily care and nurturing of children in foster care.
• Advocate for children in their schools and communities.
• Inform the children's caseworkers about adjustments to the home, school, and community, as well as any problems that may arise, including any serious illnesses, accidents, or serious occurrences involving the foster children or their own families.
• Make efforts as team members with children's caseworkers towards reunifying children with their birth families.
• Provide a positive role model to birth families, and
• Help children learn life skills.

Adoptive Parents:

• Provide permanent homes and a lifelong commitment to children into adulthood and beyond.
• Provide for the short-term and long-term needs of children.
• Provide for children's emotional, mental, physical, social, educational, and cultural needs, according to each child's developmental age and growth.
• May become certified as a foster family and accept children who are not legally free for adoption, but whose permanency plan is adoption.

That last one there really caught my attention, as I recently become aware of the differnce between foster to adopt (working towards adoptiong a child you are a foster parent too) and foster adoption (adopting a child out of the foster care system.)

Next, they have a section dedicated to helping you answer some of the questions that you adopted children my have, especially if they came to your family as older children.
http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/adopt/how_issues.asp
A particularly delightful aspect of this site are the pdf downloads available to create a "lifestory book" for or with your child. It helps them to celebrate and comemorate their entire lives, including the time before they came into your family.

Next on the list is a site dedicated to the adoption laws in our state. They have a "cliff notes" verstion of WA state adoption laws.
http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/adopt/how_requatglance.asp

An imortant item to notice is that you do not have to be a foster parent to adopt through the foster system, (however, it is my understanding that you may have better post-adoption resources available to the child if you choose to become a foster parent.)

The next resource talks about cost. It is well known that the cost of adopting through the foster system is significantly less than private or agency adoption. The only expenses that you are responsible for (and which may even be reimbursed under some circumstances) are attorney fees and home study fees (if someone other than DSHS does your home study.)

They also talk about the Adoption Subsidy available for special needs children. What I found particularly interesting here, is what the definition of a special needs child is.

To be considered a child with "special needs" each of the following statements must be true:

1. One or more of the following factors or conditions must exist:
• The child is of an minority ethnic background.
• The child is six years of age or older at the time of application for adoption support.
• The child is a member of a sibling group of three or more or of a sibling group in which one or more siblings meet the definition of special needs.
• The child is diagnosed with a physical, mental, developmental, cognitive or emotional disability.
• The child is at risk for a diagnosis of a physical, mental, developmental, cognitive, or emotional disability due to prenatal exposure to toxins, a history of serious abuse or neglect, or genetic history.
2. The state has determined that the child cannot or should not be returned to parent's home; and
3. A reasonable but unsuccessful effort was made to place the child for adoption without adoption support. (Other unique conditions may exist in which a child would qualify. Almost every child in the state's Foster Care program qualifies for Adoption Support).

Did you catch that last line there "Almost every child in the state's Foster Care program qualifies for Adoption Support" which means they are eligible for medical and dental care through Medicaid.

If the cost of adoption or the continuing cost of caring for a child are concerns for you, then adoption through the foster system is something you should carefully consider.

Next they go through the steps that you will need to go through in order to adopt through the foster care system.

1. Contact your local DSHS office. You can find the listings here. They will answer questions for you and send you an information packet. You will also need to complete 30 hours of adoption/foster training before you are assigned a social worker.

2. Get a Home Study done. (this is a topic in an of itself, but you can read what they have to say about it here.)

3. "Select a Child" - you may all ready have a child in mind, or a social worker may contact you about a child they think would be a good fit in your home.

4. Visitation and Placement Process- The visitation process can take as little as two weeks or several months. Visits begin with a few hours at a place the child feels safe and progressively get longer leading eventually to staying over night and finally moving into their new home.

5. Post Placement- you will continue to work with your social worker to help arrange for any help that your child may need and the social worker will visit your home periodically until finalization.

6. Finalization- Again, this is a whole topic unto itself. You may read how DSHS outlines the process here.

The last page on the Children's Administration website is a list of resources. I would encourage everyone to take a look at it. It includes information on everything from a scholarship available to adopted children, to answering post adoption questions, to tips on taking advantage of adoption tax credits.

http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/adopt/res_Resources.asp

As you pray about your adoption and consider your resources and finding techniques, be sure to include foster care in your options. Perhaps that is where your child is waiting for you.

Mariners Game

Hello Everyone!!

We just wanted to let you know that the Seattle Mariners are holding a special night to celebrate adoption! We hope to set up a table in order to share with others more about FSA and LDSFS! If you would be interested in volunteering at this booth, please send me an email.

The Mariners are also looking at providing scholarships for those who would like to attend but would not due to cost. Please contact me also if you are interested in a scholarship.

We are so excited about this event!

I will be posting more info sometime this week, as the Mariners just finished all specific details earlier today. We will update you with the latest once we receive the news!

Sincerely,

Galen & Kimberly Mecham


Here is a letter that came to us from the Mariners:

Hello Friends

As the son of an adoptee, I personally know a little of the pain and joy of adoption from my own mother's life experience, so it pleases me to be the first to let you know that May 1st 2009 will be the first of what I hope, is many "We Are Family" nights here at Safeco Field. This will be an evening when we will be able to recognize and honor foster families, adoption and adoptee's, birth families and the professionals who work so hard to ensure that all kids in the Northwest can have a positive future surrounded by a family that loves and respects them.

As it stands now, the basics are these: Tickets will be priced at $11, to allow more family's and co-workers an opportunity for an affordable evening out.

When your families, co-workers and guests arrive at the game, they will be able to check in at a table we have set up, where they may claim a special promotional "thank you," gift from the Mariners with We Are Family discreetly displayed on it.

Before the game we will tell a few stories of adoption or foster family's success and inspiration, and someone will be chosen to throw out the first pitch.

At the beginning of the 4th inning, any group that has sold 40 tickets or more will have their name up on the scoreboard for recognition.

We think this night is going to be a very special event for everyone involved.

Let's Get Together!!!

We are planning a Spring Fling in late April! The date will be posted for you this week. We will also be sending out a newsletter on Tuesday! So keep an eye open for it in the mail.

Galen and I have also been in touch with the Portland and Spokane FSA Co-Chairs and have been filled with lots of sweet ideas. We would love to celebrate those involved in the adoption triad and thus we are looking to do some special projects. We will need volunteers--and these projects can be done at your house and sent to the LDSFS office. Curious to what these projects are? Keep a look out for your FSA newsletter!

So many ideas keep rushing to our minds and we are excited to see them come to pass. We look forward to working beside you as our FSA family in promoting and celebrating Adoption! We are so grateful for you! We hope to see you at our upcoming events!

Have a great night everybody!

Go Adoption!

-Galen & Kimberly Mecham

Great Blogs

I'm not sure if you have come upon this blog, but I think it's great. These sweet adoptive parents shares their ups and downs with their readers, and it's truly inspirational!

Here is the blogspot link:

www.therhouse.blogspot.com

*Here's another one I just came across as well...

www.becauseadoptionmatters.blogspot.com


Enjoy!!

Facebook

Hi all,

I know that a few of you are on facebook- and probably there are
others that are that I don't know about. I've created a closed
private group for us so that we have a nice place to share photos,
stories, and resources.

If you are all ready on facebook and want to join the group (it's a
private group, you won't be able to find it through a search) either
friend me and include a message that you want to be added to the group.

"Megan Penny Wright" (in Seattle)

or send me a message on fb letting me know you want to be added

I hope this will help us all get to know one another a little bit better.

If you aren't on facebook, it is a powerful tool for networking and
finding. It's free and I highly recommend that you join. Joining is
pretty self explanatory, but if you need help I would be happy to
provide personal "technical support" :)

See you there

Megan

2009 Calendar

Hi Everyone!!!

This is Kim & Galen, your new FSA Co-Chairs! We just returned from the LDSFS Board Meeting! It was a great experience to sit on the board and listen to all that LDSFS has to offer. Everyone showed lots of excitement for their responsibilities, including us. We look forward to serving with you on the board as your new FSA Co-Chairs!!!

At the moment, we are currently in the process of calling all of you so we can get to know you better. We want to find out what we as an FSA board can do for you. We would like to be able to understand where each of you are coming from, and what you envision your pre or post adoption experience to be like. We want to able to provide what you and your family need. We would like to encourage the sense of community many of you have desired to have among each other, but haven't been able to form. FSA should be a rock for each of you as you go about your adoption journey.

We come from a very strong FSA (in California) where we could confide in the members of the FSA and get support. Our previous FSA had activities all the time, and the couples became like family. There are times when it's hard to communicate to others what you are feeling as an adoptive applicant, birth parent, or as an adoptive parent. This is where FSA can help. We have either been there, are going through it, or have been touched by it. I am hoping we can get to know each other better this year!! I hope we can become an FSA family, have fun activities, and become good friends.

Some highlights that we hope to pursue this year are:

Major Activities
Spring Fling - Activity possibly mingled with Education late March/ Early April
Summer BBQ- Location TBD (One will be held here and in Alaska)
Regional FSA Conference- Sometime in August
National Adoption Month Activity- Either dinner or a temple trip in November
Christmas/ Winter Party- December or January

Education
We will be having monthly adoption education classes once a month on a Saturday morning.
(****Many of you have desired to have adoption education, since the state of WA does not require any. It's hard to know what to expect when you haven't had any education on the topic, having only a homestudy. We are all in this together. Adoption today is changing so much, so let's come and learn together!)

Blog/FSA WA Yahoo Group
We also are going to be adding contributors to our FSA blog. The current contributor is doing a wonderful job, and will continue in her position as the head of the blog. However, we would love to get a few other people to contribute as well.

***We also want to encourage you to post on the FSA WA Yahoo Group. This can be a great way to get your questions answered, to share your excitement, or other feelings with others who know what you're going through. LDSFS case workers, directors, or anyone else working at the agency will not be allowed to join. They will not see or hear of anything that is being posted. It was touched upon tonight. We reiterated the importance of families being able to chat soely with other members of FSA. The LDSFS respect that and will not be included in the group.

A Facebook group is also being created. We will keep you posted on how to join!


Play Groups/ Bi Monthly Activities
We would like to start up play groups in the Spring. We would also like to have bi-monthly pizza nights as well. We were thinking of having them regionally. For example, those who live in the Olympia area can get together and have play groups and their pizza night the same days or nights families are getting together in the Seattle or Bellingham areas. This way people don't have to drive so far to go meet their new best FSA friends! :-)

(Please email me and let me know what you think of this idea! If any of you would like to coordinate any of these activities in your area, we would be more than willing to put you on the committee for your area!)


Outreach

We are looking for people to give 5th Sunday presentations in their ward and stakes. (Or any ward or stake, including the Deaf and Spanish wards!) Regional Reps with LDSFS are also an asset in getting the word out for these 5th Sunday presentations. We can give presentations at schools, businesses, or anywhere else that would welcome them.

We can set up an LDSFS booth at farmers markets and provide interested people information on adoption. Our last FSA did this. We can set up a little booth, table, and chairs......and there you go.

We can wear our FSA shirts and bracelets. Or we can be a testimony bearer of the blessing of adoption in our lives.



OK well that is not a comprehensive list but I think it should suffice for the moment. If any of you would like to participate on the board, or be in charge of a single task or event, please email us! We would love to work beside you, our inspiration!


Sincerely,


Kim & Galen


P.S. In order to execute these events we will need lots of help from you. If you could contribute in any way- we would be more than grateful. This is going to be great!!!

Feb 2009 Ensign Article

There is a lovely article on page 37 of this month's Ensign about adoption. It is the account of two birth parents, a birth mother and a birth father (not associated with one another) how they came to make their decisions, how the gospel helped them to heal, and how they are doing now. It is always instructive and touching to me to hear the stories of these wonderful parents.

A note from Larissa

I am really excited to tell you guys that we now have new FSA Chapter Co-Chairs and Casey and I are off the hook!!!

I asked Nickie a while back to keep her eyes open for another couple who would be willing to be the leaders of our chapter and she found the perfect one. Kim and Galen recently moved to Washington from California where they were very involved in their local chapter. They came over tonight and we were able to visit and I am really happy they are here!!

I plan to remain very involved with FSA and have enjoyed my time as a co-chair. But, at the same time I think it is perfect timing to pass the torch. As some of you know, I went back to work part-time and am really enjoying it, but it is a big adjustment as far as my level of open time.

So .... thank you very much for all of your love, help and support during our time as co-chairs. I am looking forward to attending all of 2009's events without being the one in the lead! Being involved in FSA here has greatly increase my understanding and love of adoption and I would highly recommend becoming involved with FSA no matter your stage of adoption involvement. I know there will be many great opportunities for our chapter under the direction of the Mecham Family and can't wait for you to meet them as well.

Warmly, Larissa

The Money Issue

Adoption is expensive, there is no doubt about it. However, there is always a way if your family has the desire to bring a child into your home.

There was an interesting segment on The Today Show recently about this very thing. It also tells the uplifting and inspiring story of three adoptive families and their success and joy in growing their families through adoption.

Click here to view the segment.

A note from National FSA

Dear FSA Members,

As we strive to help couples learn ways to make an adoption more likely, we have decided to create a success blog. We would like to post “finding” success stories to motivate and guide couples who want to adopt.

If your “promoting” or “finding” efforts led to an adoption and you are willing to share what you did, please send us an email (cutefamilyof5@gmail.com) with the following information:

* Your first names
* Family picture or picture of your child (This is optional. Our blog will not be added to a search engine and it will not be private, so it is up to you to decide if you want to add a family photo.)
* Date of approval for adoption.
* Date of placement
* What you did to promote your family for adoption.
* What you did that led to a connection with your child’s birth mother.
* How you feel about your experience with “finding”.
o If you used an adoption Web site to make the connection to your birth mom, please share the Web site name.
o If you used printed material (pass-along cards, letters, etc.), please consider emailing those to us as well. We are always looking for examples to share with couples. We would like to add more ideas and examples to the familiessupportingadoption.org Web site.

Please limit your information to two short paragraphs. We welcome links to your family blog and Web sites so that couples can email you if they have questions or want to read your whole story.

We are hoping to get the word out about the blog through other FSA blogs and FSA Web sites and networking tools. Our intended audience for this blog is all FSA members who are trying to adopt.

There is nothing like a positive adoption story to give hope to those who are trying to build their family. We have seen many wonderful ideas come from FSA couples. We hope you will take the time to share your success with others!

Sincerely,
Brad and Brenda Horrocks
FSA Co-Vice Chairs
FSA National Board

Janelle's FSA November Conference Presentation

Parenting Adopted Children

Parenting and adoption can be complicated topics by themselves,--- however, place the two together and you might have all kinds of new and different complications you never expected. ---Some examples might be…

*Facing the issues around an open adoption or closed.
*Communications with birthparents.
*Emotional questions such as “Who is my birthmother? Why did they give me up? Will I ever meet them.”
*Physical differences between parent and child especially if there are racial differences.
*Addressing issues of grief and loss.
*Discipline.

These issues fall under three categories I call the 3 C’s…

COMMUNICATION, COMFORT, CONSISTENCY

COMMUNICATION:
Communication is one of the most effective means of establishing good communication in a family is to always display a willingness to listen. Being attentive and not interrupting when a spouse or child talks about his or her thoughts, ideas and feelings tells the person that what is being said is of value and interest to you. Children, particularly, develop a sense of self worth and trust when a parent takes the time to pay attention to their words.

By having an open line of communication you will be able to talk about those sensitive issues that surround adoption.

How do you develop an open line of communication?

*Hold Family & most importantly individual council.

Robert D. Hales said, “…we should regularly counsel with each of our children individually. Without this one-on-one counseling together with our children, they are prone to believe that we, don’t understand or care about the challenges they are facing.”

*Create meaningful bonds

It is so important to have one on one time with each of your children. Each parent should schedule a little time for each child. Take time to participate in activities that they enjoy.

Russell M Ballard also said, “Create meaningful family bonds that give your children an identity stronger than what they can find with their peer group or at school or anyplace else. This can be done through family traditions for birthdays, for holidays, for dinnertime, and for Sundays. It can also be done through family policies and rules with natural and well-understood consequences.”

*Be willing to talk about the uncomfortable.

We have to be willing to talk about difficult topics, such as: who are my birth parents, will I ever meet them, why did they give me away. Decide ahead of time how you are going to handle these questions so you are better prepared when they are asked.

Creating a lifebook for your child is one way to share their adoption story with them. A lifebook is a collection of words, photos, graphics, memorabilia that creates a life record of the child who was adopted. It is a simple, truthful story written through the eyes of the child. It starts from the moment you were matched, communication with the birth family, the hospital, coming home, finalization, sealing and their blessing.

Lifebooks can be for anyone, biological, adoptive and foster. It gives a child a sense of who they are. It answers those questions that often grow from the unknown. A great resource is a book titled , “Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child” by Beth O’Malley.

COMFORT:

All children have emotional struggles. Adoptive children may face different struggles that stem from their adoption. Feelings of abandonment, hurt and neglect might come into play. Being able to recognize the root of their feelings may help how we can help them.

Because many of our children will never have contact with their birth families, we must teach them to live with the loss and ambivalence that are normal in adoption. These are tough feelings to tolerate; and some children may feel helpless and powerless. They may redirect these feelings and lash out at the ones that love them, their adoptive parents.

Show them that no matter what they do they cannot make you love them less. We need to be able to offer a hug and genuine love to our children.

CONSISTENCY:

A consistent parent gives the child a gift of always knowing what to expect. Neither, the rules, nor the consequences change daily.

*Be consistent in your behavior as parents

Immature behavior from a parent will instill fear in a child; versus calm controlled behavior will instill respect.

*Be consistent in your daily schedules

Consistent schedules breeds calm kids. Children thrive on routines if they are consistent.

*Be consistent in your discipline & consequences.

Discipline is about teaching children to make their own decisions as they become able to do so. Discipline also involves giving a child ownership of his or her problems and helping them to determine solutions to these problems that will leave both dignity and self esteem intact.

Make sure that everyone understands the rules and consequences. Then be prepared to follow through with them. Don’t set consequences that you are not willing to do. And be prepared to follow through no matter what; temper tantrums, store fits etc.

*Be consistent in how you treat your children.

It is so important to show equality to your children in how they are treated, how much time you spend with them, how the rules are applied. You don’t want your children to think that their parents have favorites.

Resources:
(1) “Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child” by Beth O’Malley. That encourages adoptive parents create lifebook for their children.

Info from Melissa's Presentation on Being Adopted from the November 2008 Conference

Hello my name is Melissa Fannin! One of my sayings in life is I was adopted and proud of it! Being adopted is awesome! My theory on adoption is simple. Us, adopted kids, have six parents: Our Heavenly Parents, Our Birth – Parents, and my parents. With all these people we have so much extra love than the people with only four. I grew up always knowing that I was adopted. In my opinion EVERY child needs to grow up with this knowledge. Seriously, if you don’t tell them it will ruin your relationship with your child. Plus, they won’t get out of those genetic science assignments. Growing up adopted was cool. I’m just a normal person. Every child has to come to terms with adoption. So while coming to terms with being adopted I had this blanket give and made by my birth mother which says made with love! I was also recently given a ring that my birth mother gave to me with a heart that says you’re in my heart. These gifts helped me through times where I felt unloved or unwanted. These gifts always remind me of how much I am extra loved. I wear my ring on a chain everyday since I received it and I sleep with the blanket every night and I make sure that the made with love corner is right by my heart. When other people found out I was adopted they didn’t understand it at all. I sometimes wonder how come they don’t get it. It used to bother me when friends at school would find out because they didn’t understand what I understood. They didn’t know that adoption means just an extra bundle of love. They would make me feel like an outsider or something. But, as I grew up I started to feel sorry for them because they didn’t understand that adoption is amazingly AWESOME! Sometimes I would feel like I was the only one is the whole world that was adopted but, then I would meet other kids my age who were too. We instantly feel this amazing connection it is like we are members of a select exclusive club. This past summer I learned my roommate at EFY was adopted too and we just totally hit it off and had a lot of the same opinions about being adopted. We also had grown up with similar experiences. It was really great being able to relate with someone on that level. While going through understanding adoption I came across this song which really helped me comprehend adoption. Its called "You are Loved" by Josh Groban and he has an amazing voice so you should listen to it on my blog (http://adopted-and-proud-of-it.blogspot.com). I just want to express how thankful I am for my birth mother I know that she still loves me and cares for me and that is why she gave me to my parents. She gave me the most precious gift of life and she gave me my amazing parents! There isn’t a day where I am unthankful for her sacrifice. It reminds me of the scripture in John 3 :15. She loved me so much that she gave me to my parents! To close I’d like to read this Poem and I thought it was pretty fantastic. The name of it is Legacy of an Adopted Child.

Once there were two women who never each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make you one.
One became a guiding star; the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live in it.
One gave you nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One gave you up…it was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask, through your fears.
The age old questions, unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment…which are you the product of…

Neither my darling…neither.
Just two special kinds of love.

Jessica's Handout from her November 2008 FSA Presentation

Talking with your child about adoption:

Have FAITH in your relationship with your child. You need to have a conviction and a testimony that adoption is not second best or the best you can do – it is the way that God brought children to your family. How your child feels about being adopted begins with you!

Do not take it personally, it is NOT about you!

Make and be OPEN to opportunities to talk about adoption.

Go at your child’s pace.

In order for your child to completely love and accept themselves (birth families, adoptive families and all), WE MUST!

Children’s Books about adoption that we have used:
*How I Was Adopted, by Joanna Cole (**my favorite!)
*Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born, by Jamie Lee Curtis
*Happy Adoption Day, by John McCutcheon
*The Day We Met You, by Phoebe Koehler

Other children’s books I searched on Amazon.com that looked good:
*Forever Fingerprints: An Amazing Discovery for Adopted Children, by Sherrie Eldridge
*I Don’t Have Your Eyes, by Carrie A. Kitze

Books about adoption for parents:
*Talking with Young Children about Adoption, by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher (*highly recommend*)
*Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge
*For the Love of a Child The Journey of Adoption, by Monica Blume and Gideon Burton
*From God’s Arms to my Arms to Yours, by Michael McLean

Children’s books about race we have used (mostly for African American):
*The Colors of Us, by Karen Katz (**excellent, for any race!)
*Whose Toes Are Those?, by Jabari Asim (good for any race)
*I Love My Hair!, by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley
*Shades of Black, by Sandra L. Pinkney
*I’m Like You, You’re Like Me, by Cindy Gainer (understanding differences and seeing our similarities)

Books about race for parents:
*I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World, by Marguerite A. Wright (**excellent!, good for parents, teachers, social workers)

Handout put together by Jessica Lothyan (jlothyan10@hotmail.com) and presented at the Families Supporting Adoption Seattle WA Chapter Adoption Annual Event

November Adoption Month Event

The FSA event was a great success. It was nice to meet many of you and to learn more about one another our adoption connection. Your willingness to participate is greatly appreciated and facilitates the growth and positive image of adoption. (And a special thanks to the 2 young men from Renton who gave generously of their time to provide a children's room). Notes from each presenter will be added to our blog as they are received. We will look forward to seeing you all again next November in Celebration of Adoption Month!


Annual Temple Trip and Potluck

2:00pm Welcome: (appetizers)
2:30pm Keynote Speaker: Growing Up Adopted
3:00pm Adoption Stories -- How Will I Know?
3:30pm Raising an Adopted Child
4:00pm Birth Parent Presentation -- Helping Your Birth Parent Heal
5:00pm Potluck Dinner
6:30pm Assembly Room Meeting -- Seattle Temple
7:00 Endowment Session

Speakers included:

Melissa F. (and her parents): "Growing Up Adopted"

Nicholle J.: “Helping them know about the richness of their adoption while parenting adopted children.” REAL life parenting.

Janelle F. : “How to support your child through misperceptions they may feel throughout their life and general parenting skills.”

Jessica L.: “Now They Are Here…What’s Next?” Including some information regarding children of different ethnic/racial backgrounds.

Birth Mother Panel

1. First Hand - Intro and Background

Lincoln and I (Megan) are just beginning the adoption process. Each new step brings us into new and unfamiliar territory. We are people who are fairly comfortable in new settings and circumstances, however, knowing where the next step will take us and what we will be asked to do when we get there, would be nice. To that end, I thought it would be interesting (and maybe helpful) to other couples starting down their road to adoption to hear about the major landmarks along the trail.

So, as we move from one step to the next, I will write a short article about the sight, smells and sounds on that leg of the journey from our perspective. Come along for the ride. The view from our backseat is sure to differ from that of your own captain’s chair, but at least it won’t be the first time you’ve see this twisty canyon road.

A bit of background.

Link and I have one biological son. He is a year old. We have always wanted several children, fairly close in age. When we learned that it would not be safe for us to have any more children “the old fashioned way.” We knew instantly that adoption was the way for us to go.
Link’s brother has adopted two children, whom we love dearly (along with their one biological child.) Adoption has been a great blessing to them, and we have been privileged to be a part of that. Link’s family, obviously, has a tremendous appreciation and understanding of adoption.
Two of my father’s cousins have also adopted children. They were both place with severely emotionally and mentally disturbed children, unbeknownst to them at the time. (I should mention that they were both international adoptions.) These parents do love their children, however, they were not prepared for these trials. The agencies neither disclosed possible problems, nor offered any post adoption support. Naturally, these being the only two first hand experience my family has had with adoption, they are a bit leery. They are supportive, but cautious.

That is where we started, lucky to not feel alone in our desire to adopt, but with one side of the family unnaturally concerned about our decision.

Note: I will tag each of these articles "first hand". They will also be numbered, chronologically.

Links from 2008 SLC Regional Conference

Below are the links to the 2008 FSA Conference in Salt Lake City. We hope you enjoy them and find them helpful.

Keynote address

Birth Parent Panel

Insights from Our Partners

Managing an Open Adoption

Understanding Placement: Finance, Legal and Sealing

Life After Placement

Creating Profiles

A Shout Out from Alison (our National FSA Rep)

Sign up on the new National FSA website. Be apart of the largest volunteer advocacy group for adoption! If we don't keep the option of adoption alive and well... who will? Go Go Adoption!

Even if you signed up on this site before you'll need to sign in as a 'new user'. Come join! The more the merrier!

www.familiessupportingadoption.org

Share it with anyone you know that is a member of the LDS church that has adopted!

PS -- The first time, you have to go to the link on the right that says "Sign up for FSA Membership". You enter your basic info and set up a log in and password. Then you will have access to a lot of valuable adoption information. (I tried to log in using Mozilla and it would not work, so for increased website function, I would suggest using Internet Explorer).

You Tube Birth Mom Video

This video was made by a birth mother in Oregon. It is quite touching to watch the adoption process through her eyes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IdPtGZ-3oM

A Glimpse into Our Trans-Racial Adoption Experience

This was posted on the Co-Chair Yahoo Group. I found it very insightful and asked Rebecca if I could share it with all of you. She speaks briefly about her perspective on their trans-racial adoption experience.

We have 3 children who are adopted- 2 boys and a girl. Our daughter is Caucasian/African American although most people think she is Samoan. Our second son is actually a biological half sibling with her but is full Caucasian. When people ask questions about “where we got her from?” they are very surprised and always say they would have guessed our two boys were biologically related not our 2nd son and daughter. Immediately after adopting our daughter we also began receiving a lot of attention in public. Except for occasional times, we enjoy discussing adoption and it is a very positive conversation. One of those times, a particular woman who wasn’t very sensitive in the way she asked questions got a reply that “Of course they were all mine, they just have different fathers.” :) At a very young age, about 3, our daughter began noticing that she “looked different than us.” She has been aware but OK with it. Now, in kindergarten, she is even more aware of it. I could chalk this up to being a mom that is extra sensitive about my baby girl starting school, but the first day of kindergarten she sat down at a table next to three blue-eyed blond-haired little girls and they not only totally ignored her but picked up their toys and moved away from her to another table. She was hurt but I just quickly moved her to another table with more racially mixed little girls and they have been great friends ever since.

We were always very conservative when it came to marking our acceptance of racial/ethnic backgrounds in our adoption paperwork, but when contacted about our daughter had no hesitation at all in saying yes. She is a joy and any “comments” or “issues” we face have been eye opening for us and strengthened the bonds of our eternal family. Overall, we have found it easier and more smooth than anticipated.

As for counsel, I would just suggest that couples be aware and prepared with responses for situations that are bound to occur so they can protect their children and reduce the potential negative affects. Also, be aware of special needs for them such as for their skin and hair. It took us a little while to become aware of that but we were comfortable talking to strangers to get answers. Also, try to find a few children who they feel are “like them” as friends.

Resources- People- Other adoptive families who have adopted trans-racially, as well as those that are the race of your child.

Adoption Story book- A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza

I hope this quick response is helpful. Feel free to contact us with any other questions.

Sincerely,

Rebecca & Todd Harrison
harrison-home@nbgisp.com
Executive Co-Chairs, Oregon FSA Chapter

Any ideas or Suggestions?

The FSA board is working on the plans for the November 22nd activity. We reviewed the helpful comments and feedback of those who attended the Regional Conference and are soliciting more ideas as far as topics to cover for the November mini-conference. The plan is to have some presenters and likely another birth parent panel before the potluck. Then we will enjoy a yummy meal and head over to the Bellevue Temple for an assembly room meeting and session. If you did not have a chance to complete an evaluation form or if you just have thoughts to share as far as making the November 22nd FSA event a success, we would love to hear them. Feel free to comment here or email FSA at Families.Supporting.Adoption@gmail.com. Hope you can attend on the 22nd!

Book Review - The Adoption Decision by Laura Christianson

The Adoption Decision - 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting
Laura Christianson

This book review will come with a disclaimer that this is the first adoption book I have read, so keep that in mind.

This is a Christian centered book. Christianson refers to it as a:

"how to for the heart"- a guide through the critical heart issues you'll encounter during the adoption process and after you bring home your child. (p. 10)

She starts out with a glossary of adoption terms, something I thought was a great idea, but would have liked to be more extensive.

The first chapter is a guide to communicating with the people around you (friends, family, obnoxious busy bodies) as you begin your adoption journey. She has some excellent suggestions on how to handle a variety of responses and questions that you are likely to field.

Next she deals with the emotions and reactions that both you and others will have once your child arrives home. This was one my my favorite chapters, as I find Chrsitanson's dry reactions to some astonishing comments about her children, very fitting.

I've been married to the same man for 25 years and I can attest that biologically unrelated people possess the capacity to bond.

The most valuable part of the book for me personally was chapter 4, A Labor of Love. I appreciated the Christianson's candor about the home study, about the personal questions you will be asked and expected to answer, and the emotions you will encounter as you qualify the special needs you may or may not be willing to accept in your child.

Other chapter's include dealing with the emotional aspects of infertility (and the insensitivity you may encounter,) a personal perspective on meeting birth parents, and overcoming the trauma of failed placements. She also covers international adoption, adopting children of a different ethnicity than your own, and gives a look into the lives and coping mechanisms of families whose children have severe developmental, emotional, or behavioral challenges.

Throughout the book Christianson gives examples of her topic from the Bible and reminds us of the continual support and love of our Father in Heaven. Some may find this aspect of the book distracting, but she effectively positions these portions of her book in such a way that, if desired, they can be skimmed over without missing any of the information in the chapter.

Again, this is the first adoption related book I have read, so my experience is very limited, however, I found this book useful, uplifting, and a welcome look into the more personal and emotional aspects of adoption that I have been concerned about.

Thank you Laura for a valuable book.

Congratulations to the Hur Family!

They have TWO beautiful new additions to their family.



It is a wonderful story, best told by Sindea. Read about it on their website.

"We conceive a child in our minds and hearts. During the first trimester of our "pregnancy," we prove our parenting fitness to assorted officials. And then we wait. And wait. Like elephants, our gestation period averages about 22 months."

--Laura Christianson The Adoption Decision

FSA Conference was a Great Success

Personally, I thought the birth mother/ birth grandmother teams and the birth mother panel were phenomenal. These are amazing women. Women who took a wrong turn, and used that detour to bless the lives of others. Thank you for your insight.

Here are the sporadic photos I took during the conference. I am not attaching names both for privacy reasons, and because I can't remember everyone's names. Naturally, feel free to download photos of you and your family at will.

Please note that the slide show crops the images to a square, but they are not actually cropped that way. Click on the photo that you want to see/download to be taken to the full sized version.

Thank You!

The Regional Conference was sensational! A special thank you to all of those who helped to make it a success. So many of you put in many hours of behind the scenes service. I cannot tell you enough how much your time and talents are appreciated. Here is a list of some of the conference volunteers and their supportive roll in random order.

Lynetta and Duane Clare (Conference Co-Chairs), Amy Frampton (Conference Co-Chair), Greg (Amy's Brother, Hero of the Day and Catering Coordinator), Colleen and Rob Smith (Children's Room), Rachel and Tyler Bailey (Michael McLean Registration), Jill and Johnathan Hart (Information Packets), Andrew and Janetta Boone (Conference Food/Building Coordination), Gary Yukish (Technical Support), Dawn Zorer (Gift Bags), Denise Gardner (Registration and Donations), Megan and Lincoln Wright (Name Tags and Set Up), Sindea Upton-Rowley (Registration), Geoff Upton- Rowley (Medical On Call and Set Up), Gwenn (Registration), Cary and Teresa Deccio, (Door Prizes), Casey Peay (MC and Clean Up), Larissa Peay (Conference Planning Committee), Susan Price (Hotel Coordinator), Todd and Rebecca Harrison (General Support and Marketing), Ryan and Robin Booth (General Support and Assistance in Children's Room), Nickie Wood (Conference Planning Committee).

And all of you who attended, thank you! I know many of you helped on sight and also participated in the program as speakers and contributed with your touching prayers. Thank you very much! I hope I am not forgetting anyone. If so, please comment so we can thank everyone for their contribution.

The Conference Schedule

FRIDAY

1:00 PM - 1:20 PM Registration

1:20 PM - 1:30 PM Welcome and Song by Diane Burbach

1:30 PM - 2:00 PM The Emotional Rollercoaster of Adoption

2:00 PM - 3:00 PM Adoption Options

3:00 PM - 3:15 PM Break

3:15 PM - 4:00 PM Beyond the Basics

3:15 PM - 4:00 PM Have No Fear: Establishing Comfortable Connections

4:10 PM - 5:00 PM Mother Daughter Birth Panel

5:00 PM - 5:15 PM Closing remarks

6:00 PM - 7:00 PM Dinner

7:30 PM - 9:00 PM Michael McLean and Awards

SATURDAY

9:30 AM - 10:00 AM Registration

10:00 AM - 11:45 AM Welcome, Song by Diane Burbach and SLC Broadcast

12:00 PM - 1:00 PM Lunch

1:00 PM - 2:30 PM Conscious Fathering

2:30 PM - 2:45 AM Break

2:45 PM - 3:45 PM Birth mother Panel; Song by Brooke Hughes

3:45 PM - 4:00 PM Close and Door Prizes

Conference Speaker Highlight - Bernie Dorsey

Bernie Dorsey is the Founder and Program Coordinator of Conscious Fathering, a program of Parent Trust for Washington Children.

Mr. Dorsey will be offering his popular class for today's fathers who are anxious to take an active and early role in parenting.

In 1999, I developed a program to help men be better prepared to meet the challenges of new fatherhood and to parent in partnership with mom. The idea is simple: It is impossible to be a competent partner in caring for a new baby if you know little or nothing about infants. So this program, Conscious Fathering, gives expectant fathers a chance to play a little – and in some cases a lot – of catch up.

In the Conscious Fathering class, the first thing these men learn is that there is only one thing they cannot do, and that’s breastfeed. So for two and a half hours, they learn as much as possible about everything else. We concentrate on the very basics of what their infants need and on how we meet those needs. Every attendee receives a doll, a onesie, sleeper or jumper, a diaper, a washcloth and a receiving blanket to use during the class. During the next couple of hours, he will practice what it takes competently and confidently care for their new baby.

-Bernie Dorsey, VIEWPOINT: Conscious Fathering Skills – and More – for New Dads,Puget Sound Parent, June 2006
http://www.pugetsoundparent.com/0606-3.htm

One Miracle at A Time - Seattle 2008

FAMILIES SUPPORTING ADOPTION REGIONAL CONFERENCE

Don't miss it! Families Supporting Adoption Conference! August 8th and 9th.

Some of our speakers will include …

• - The Emotional Rollercoaster of Adoption – Lisa Sharp
• - Have No Fear: Establishing Comfortable Connections and Relationships with Birth Families – Aura Lee Loveland
• - Conscious Fathering - Bernie Dorsey, Parent Trust for Washington Children

August 8th

- 1:00 to 5:00 – Adoption Workshops
- 6:00p to 7:00 – Dinner
- 7:30 to 8:30 – Concert featuring Michael McLean (There is no charge for the concert. Due to limited seating, we are requiring separate registration from the conference. Seating starts at 7:00, the concert beginning at 7:30.)

August 9th

- 10:00 to 4:00 – Broadcast from Salt Lake, Lunch, and more adoption workshops. Entertainment by new artist Diane Burbach.

Conference Sessions will be held at the
Bellevue SOUTH Stake Center
(behind the Seattle Temple)
15205 SE 28th St.
Bellevue, WA 98007

Dinner and Performances will be held at the
Bellevue Stake Center
(2 miles north of the Seattle Temple)
14536 Main St.
Bellevue, WA 98014


Cost

$30 per person / Michael McLean concert is free

Registration

Register now at http://seattlefsa2008.eventbrite.com/
(Please remember that if you register for the conference, you must also register for the Michael McLean concert to insure seating.)

Registration fee due July 24th.

Please mail to: LDS Family Services, Attn. Nickie Wood, 220 S. 3rd Pl., Renton, WA 98057-2405
or call LDS Family Services at (425) 228-0074 to pay with a credit card.

Questions?

Larissa Peay
Seattle Washington FSA Co-Chair

The greatest trust that can come to a man and woman is to have placed in their keeping the life of a little child. --President David. O. McKay