“Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does.
So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's
when you find out who you are." - Joss Whedon

Good Reads

This is where we will reference articles and books which are adoption related.  If you stumble upon any good reads, please pass them on to us at: families.supporting.adoption@gmail.com.

Some Good Adoption Reads:
"Snowflakes: A Flurry of Adoption Stories" by Teresa Kelleher.
A note from the back cover: "This book is a wonderful compilation of stories covering the many facets of adoption. Adoptees will find that while others may have experienced similar feelings, each adoptee has a unique story. Prospective adoptive parents will get glimpse of life after adoption. Anyone that knows an adopted child will gain new insights from reading this book". (Teresa graciously gave FSA and LDSFS of Western WA a complementary copy of her book. If you would like to borrow it, contact Larissa Peay at: Larissa.Peay@ldsfamilyservices.org.)

"And Baby Makes Three" by John M. Gottman, PH.D. and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PH.D.

This is a great book for preparing to add a child to your marital relationship.  Whether you are pregnant or expecting through adoption it is worth reading and preparing for better successes in managing the stresses that come with changes in family dynamics.  It has good general relationship principles that can be applied well before a child's arrival.  (From Amazon: Congratulations! You have a new baby. Don’t forget you also have a marriage. Having a baby is a joyous experience, but even the best relationships are strained during the transition from duo to trio. In And Baby Makes Three, Love Lab™ experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman teach couples the skills needed to maintain healthy marriages, so partners can avoid the pitfalls of parenthood by:

• Focusing on intimacy and romance
• Replacing an atmosphere of criticism and irritability with one of appreciation
• Preventing postpartum depression
• Creating a home environment that nurtures physical, emotional, and mental health, as well as cognitive and behavioral development for your baby

Complete with exercises that separate the “master” from the “disaster” couples, And Baby Makes Three helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy.)

"Open Adoption, Open Heart: An Adoptive Father's Inspiring Journey" by Russell Elkins.  The world of adoption has changed dramatically over the past twenty years. No longer do biological parents have to say goodbye to their child forever. They now have more options when deciding the type of adoption to pursue, such as open adoption. Open adoption creates the opportunity for a special relationship between the biological parents, the adoptive parents, and the child. Open Adoption, Open Heart is an inspiring and true story, which takes the reader deeper into the feelings and emotions experienced by adoptive parents. As you read this incredible story, you will experience the joys, difficulties, and amazing victories facing adoptive couples. Russell and his wife, Jammie, invite you to share in their inspiring and heart warming journey. (This book has not been read by anyone at FSA.  Be the first to tell us what you think!)

The next 3 books are insightful regarding the Birthparent perspective of the adoption triad.  The three titles listed are:
  • "The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption" by Leslie Foge and Gaile Mosconi. (From Amazon: Recognizing the absence of written materials for women considering adoption, Ms. Foge and Ms. Mosconi were determined to produce a guidebook that would provide answers, support and guidance. After being out of print for almost two years, the authors have re-written and self-published the second edition of this important book. The second edition expands on the original concepts, deepens the ideas set forth in the first edition and includes a comprehensive resource guide. The Third Choice, Second Edition, is a wonderful tool for women seeking support during a difficult time.)

  • "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption" by Patricia Dischler (From Amazon: For the first time, a birthmother shares a story where regrets are replaced with respect, pain is replaced with love, and secrecy is replaced with honesty. Author Patricia Dischler provides a poignant and moving narrative, notable for its honesty. Patricia chose an open adoption arrangement for her son Joe in 1985. He is now an adult and their story has come full circle.)

  • "Life Givers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption" by James L. Gritter (From Amazon as posted by Heather Lowe: Though Gritter is not a birthparent, he certainly empathizes with us in a way that most adoption workers or triad members do not. He's right on target with how it FEELS to be a birthparent: marginalized, feared, misunderstood, and sometimes, even shamed. The book should be required reading for all adoptive parents, so that they know that first parents are regular people, pretty much just like them.My favorite part of the book comes at the end, with the simple list of ways adoptive parents can honor and respect their child's birthparents. My least favorite part is the description of grief; parts of that chapter didn't strike me quite right. I think Gritter should have relied more on the words of those of us who have actually gone through the grief.
    But he did listen as he was writing the book: I was fortunate enough to read this book in manuscript, and offered my suggestions on how this book could be even more "true to life." Other birthparents did the same, making this, I think, an essentially reliable guide to our feelings and desires.
    In the end, the message is simple: both sets of parents love and want what's best for the child. And when both types of parents work together in a true open adoption, beautiful things can happen.)
LDSFS was contacted with information on a new adoption book. The title is: Successful Foster Care Adoption: A Guide to State Adoption and Parenting Adopted Children by Deborah A. Beasley, ACPI CCPF.  It looks like it might be a good read. Let us know if you have read it or know any other books that are helpful in the jouney toward adoption.

To order, click here!
To learn more about the book visit www.TogetherAtLastFamily.com.

  • "Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born" is by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell who have joined together again to create a fresh new picture book for every parent and every child. In asking her parents to tell her again about the night of her birth, a young girl shows that it is a cherished tale she knows by heart."
"Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born is a unique, exuberant story about adoption and about the importance of a loving family."